The Chaperone
by Kopatropa
Summary: SpongeBob parody. Rated T for language.


In hopes of making peace with everyone, Crash has decided to invite all of his friends and enemies to a picnic in the park. Believe it or not, it worked! Everyone showed up without conflict. Hell, even Cortex got an invite! Only one not here was Coco.

She eventually did show up, but that girl was just FULL of tears.

"Hey, why's Coco so upset?" Crash asked Crunch.

"Well, her prom date stood her up, Crash, and now she can't seem to find another." Crunch explains.

Coco was still crying. "That's because there's no one cute boy that's long, tan and handsome as my old prom date. I'M DATELESS!" Coco burst into more tears.

"No, no, no more crying. I'll get you a date. Why, uhh... I'll take you!" Crunch says, hoping Coco would agree. Coco just expelled more tears. Crunch thought some more. "Well, uhh... what about Crash?" Coco got on her knees and bawled again. "Damn. Well, uhh..." Crunch thought hard. He walked Coco to the picnic table. "Don't worry, Coco. Dingodile will be taking you!"

Coco screamed in shock. "ACK! The pyromaniac? Do you have _any_ idea what that would do to my complexion? People would mistake me for a planetarium!"

Crunch stood there, dumbfounded. "What the hell does that mean?" He asked.

"I, don't, know. But I can't take him, Crunch! They'll kick me off the running for most popular in the yearbook committee!" Coco cries.

"Yeah, they would. We've got to find someone else." He turns toward the other guests. "Which one of you wants to take me lovely sister Coco to the prom?"

All the guest, except Dingodile, leave immediately. Coco had no choice. She sulked away, saying "Just don't be late, Dingodile."

Crunch turns toward Dingodile. "Now listen. I'm counting on you to make this a very special night for a very special girl. Remember, you're doing it for good ol..."

Another Dingodile walks up to them, Crunch staring in shock. "Hey, mate! Are you talking to that wax dummy I made? It's pretty realistic, isn't it?" He holds up the left arm. "I made this part out of..."

Crunch interrupted. "Shut up! You're taking Coco to her prom!"

Dingodile couldn't wait! "Really? Oh, wow! Don't worry, mate. I am a prom expert!"

* * *

_Later that afternoon..._

"Damn. I'm a prom failure. I couldn't even get a date for my own junior prom." Dingodile was now sitting on his couch, like a couch potato. "How am I supposed to compare with Coco's old boyfriend, Mr. Long, Tan and Handsome?"

Dingodile remembered. He grabbed a magazine from under his couch. "Crickey! This magazine gives me an idea!"

* * *

So now Dingodile was cutting some black fabric. He shaped it into a tuxedo and added a flower. He orders a fake wig for himself, and some pants that were 2 inches too long on him. "Long! Tan!" He got braces as well. "Handsome!" He made sure to shower, too.

* * *

Crunch answers his door to see Dingodile all fancy, sorta, for the prom. "What do you think, Coco? Cleans up pretty well, doesn't he?"

Coco was wearing a pink, poofy dress. "Well, at least no one will recognize you. Now listen, Dingodile! I just want to get through this with my social status intact. I want to go to the prom, get my picture taken, and I want to dance..."

Dingodile was copying every stern word into his notepad. "...I want to drink punch with my friends! And don't do that thing you're always doing when you're..."

Dingodile interrupts. "Uhh, Coco, we've got to get back to the limo."

Coco squealed. "A limo! Why didn't you say so?" She grabs Dingodile and heads out. Crunch called back "Go easy on him! I can't afford to break in a new punching bag!"

* * *

The two arrive that night at the high school, where the prom was taking place. "Well, I guess the first thing we should do is..."

A flash occurs. Coco claps. "Yay! My first prom picture!"

"Umm..._our_ first prom picture." Dingodile says. Coco slaps him and walks to the camera. "Let's get this over with..."

Dingodile walked over too her, but those long pants made him slip and destroys the curtain. The picture is taken. Dingodile laughs. "That'll be a keeper."

"Hey, look! Coco!" Someone says. Coco gasps. "My friends! Uhh, Dingo, go get me some punch!"

Dingodile heads to the punch bowl. Coco's friends walk over to her. "So, like, where's your date, Coco? We're all dying to meet him."

"He getting me some punch." Coco says.

"Oh. Is he the one with the crocodile tail?"

"Oh, yes. I mean, Oh, no..." Coco says, watching as Dingodile tries to grab the spoon. He then slips on his pants again and flips the punch bowl over.

"Uhh... let's go see how ugly Cindy's dress is!" Coco says, getting her friends away.

Everyone is gettng punch from Dingodlie. Coco storms over to him, extremely angry. "Dingodile! What are you doing?!"

Dingodile is red from the punch. "Hey, Coco." He offers some punch from his nose. "C'mon! It won't bite!"

Coco was furious. "You... look... stupid!" Coco notices someone. "Hide!" She hides behind the table. "What?" Dingodile asks. Coco pulls him down. "Get down, he'll see us! It's my ex-boyfriend, Octavious Bandicoot, a.k.a. long, tan and handsome."

Dingodile laughed at how nerdy that guy looked. "I bet he isn't holder of the Regional Romance Dance Championship trophy!" Dingodile shows Coco the trophy. Some guy takes it back.

The music starts up. Everyone gets on the dance floor. Dingodile starts doing some Crash-like movements. Coco just stood there, embarassed. "Dingodile, what are you doing? Can't you see everybody here is doing 'The Whack'?" Dingodile looks and sees the couples chest-bumping each other. "The Whack? Oh, yeah, I invented that one!"

Dingodile was having trouble jumping, though. He then jumps at Coco, and they fly onto the refreshments table, sending some couple through some guys portrait.

Dingodile and Coco were sitting in tthe middle of the gym, their clothes messy and torn, the tuxedo ripped into oblivion. The whole gym went crazy. "Well, Dingodile. I guess you can take me home now, now that you've ruined everything!" Coco starts crying.

"Don't cry, the prom expert is here! I haven't failed yet!" Dingodile looks through the list. "Hey, we can still...no, I broke that. We could...no. Don't cry! D-d-don't cry. Whatever you do, don't..."

Well, Dingodile completely LOST it. He ran into the girl's restroom, the girls screaming as they leave. Coco walked up to the door. "Dingodile, are you okay?"

Dingodile's crying made it hard to understand him. But Coco tried, anyway. "Oh, ya didn't mess _everything _up." More tears. "Actually, it was pretty funny when that hot dog landed in Judy's hair." More tears. "But I _am_ having a good time! Ya know, we still haven't finished our dance yet." More tears. "Yes, you can still wear the wig."

* * *

After some flamethrower moments, Dingodile was walking Coco back home. "Coco, I'm sorry tonight didn't go out like you planned." Coco smiled. "Oh, don't worry, Dingodile. I knew it would be a total disaster all along." Dingodile cringed. "But as far as disasters go, that was really fun."

Just when it looked like they were about to kiss, Crunch came out with a gun. "Get away from my girl!" Both stared in shock. "She's not done, yet." Crunch put the gun in the hand of some statue of a girl.

"Oh, Crunch! Well, good night, Dingodile." Dingodile was frozen solid. Coco went inside. Crunch walked up to him. "Good job, kid." He winked at Dingodile and went inside. Another Dingodile showed up. "Ah, there you are, dummy! You sure come in handy!" Dingodile laughed as he carried the wax dummy home.


End file.
